Sunday, May 25, 2008

A Basic Profiteer's Guide to Christianity

Steps for making Godly profit:

1. Locate a secular trend, program, or other profitable opportunity.

2. Insert appropriate Christian rhetoric about "bringing yourself closer to God," "improving your walk with God," avoiding "issues that can keep you from growing closer to God," and otherwise "surrendering yourself to God." Buttress with at least one additional inspirational Bible quotation that seems marginally relevant. More quotes are better, but only one is really necessary - look at what Wilkinson was able to do with capitalism via The Prayer of Jabez, for example.

3. Go to church, find a few susceptible assistants, and announce that you feel the Holy Spirit has been leading you towards something you think the church really needs in order to reach out to the lost.

An excellent case study can be found here, in an article from USA Today, published yesterday, about new Christian fitness programs. One of the group leaders, Kim Melchor, explains - à la Corinthians - that our bodies are "God's temples," and therefore we need to take care of them. Because, presumably, if you want to attract worshippers to your temple, you have to keep it in good condition.

Ironically, Paul was speaking against prostitution in that passage.

Unfortunately USA Today doesn't really explain what's especially Christian about the exercise involved. Maybe there's a special rhythm involved in jogging with Christ.