Monday, October 23, 2006

A new study out of California

Yessiree.. this is a bad week for the devil. The Jonathan F. Thompson Center for New Religious Studies has released findings showing the devil is as popular as disco. With 'disco sucks' bumper stickers abounding, his Unholiness is left wondering how to migate the uncoolness factor. What was a means of pissing off your parents has been replaced by voting Republican/Conservative or becoming a Har Karishna, as children weren't getting the same effect from their parents with the revelation that they are satanists. 'Mom and Dad just grunted, and didn't even look up from their newspapers when I broke the news' one source is quoted,' I had to find a more effective way. The Har Karishna's provided me with the means to be a normal teenager rebelling against my parents!'

But the devil disagrees, and points to the Rapture Ready Index. 'See?', his Unholiness thundered,' It's gone up by one this week. I know I am making progress. That stuff in England is bang on.'

Several representatives of Christianity agreed with the devil's comment, although they cautioned that this probably would not signify a new period of detente in the long dispute between the two sides over the legitimacy of the heavenly regime. According to Reverend Isaac Calvin at the Truehall Biblical Research Institute in Illinois, "We don't think there's any evidence to indicate that the devil is any less a threat to the people of this country today than he was ten years ago. We live in dangerous times as it is and my fellow countrymen should be careful not to let their guard down because of foolish rumours." Calvin worries that the apparent decline in Satan's power could even be a charade by the Dark Prince: "We've seen this sort of thing before, and he's always come back."

Calvin suggested that concerned citizens check out Exposing Satanism and Satan's Rapture for one example of how the devil has effectively used modern media to spread his subversive message of despair.