Why I'm Looking Forward to November

Three days ago, we were in the pub and I was despondently explaining why I wasn't looking forward to the November elections, because in that month the most powerful man in Canadian politics - despite being unelected in that sphere - was going to step down and be replaced by someone who wasn't nearly so funny or nearly so stupid. On the bright side, Bush's successor probably won't be nearly so warlike, either, which is some comfort.

Today, however, I'm in slightly better spirits because I've realized there's hope after all.

First of all, there's Barack Obama, the closet sexist who keeps calling female politicians and reporters by inappropriate pet names.

Then there's John "No Change" McCain, a demonstrable bigot who looks uncomfortable as hell here while Ellen Degeneres tries to provoke him into slamming her upcoming marriage. McCain, quite the religious right asshole here, insists on calling her marriage nothing more than a "legal contract." Heh. I never thought a Christian conservative would reduce marriage to a scrap of paper. McCain didn't used to be such an idiot. Pandering to the religious right has made him into an asshole.

And finally there's Hillary, God bless her. This week she made the absolutely unbelievable gaffe of implying that she wasn't going to withdraw from the Democratic primary campaign because Obama, like Robert F. Kennedy in the 1960s, might always be assassinated before the end of the race, and if he is, that would leave her as the winner.

It's too bad Hillary has almost no chance of winning at this point. She's also the one who a little while ago concocted a fictitious story about being shot at in Bosnia, then tried to excuse it away on the grounds she "forgot [she] wasn't shot at." I'm sure there are yet more chillingly asinine statements in her head, waiting for a chance to emerge and cause yet more trouble.